The Dead Fauna Collection

This week's Gallery is 'Frightful' and I've been struggling with what to share.  But I have decided it is time to out my frightfully macabre pastime of photographing dead fauna.

Fox : I suspect this one had been shot, not hit by a car.

Magpie: The number of birds that just seem to drop out of the sky always surprises me.

Blackbird: I suspect this one was hit by a car.

Starling: another middle of nowhere bird.

 Vole (I think) : by the canal.

Badger: there are a lot of them around here, a huge number, almost to problem proportions I suspect.

Badger's tail.

I am almost sure this is badger after the crows have had a good go at it.



It's quite difficult taking these photos, putting aside the need to stand down wind, you get very odd looks and most road kill is destroyed to unrecognisable very quickly by cars or crows.  The golden day there was a bloated dead sheep floating down the canal I hadn't got a camera on me (or a phone), I think I must be one of the few people that hopes the opportunity arises again some day!

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The most important part of Parenting well

This one line, taken from my recent Parenting Course,  says it all for me

The small consistencies of every day add up.

I have always had a clear 'no is no', 'yes is yes' and 'maybe' is I'm up for negotiation.  I have always tried not to jump to a no, to be sure to ask questions, to allow negotiation to play a part.  Hard with a young child but sometimes possible, much easier with a teenager if you are prepared to consider yourself to be a counsellor not a conductor in this parenting game.

The small consistencies of every day do add up.  The politeness, saying nice things, time spent together, asking how a day went, that kiss on the head as they leave for the day or at least a shout through the bedroom door that you are leaving and you would find it pleasing if they emerged from their bed before you got home from work.

Sometimes it's hard to be consistent, sometimes it's easier to throw yourself down on the sofa and declare wine is the only thing to cure the day you've had, that a rush around in the morning is easier than a breakfast together.  Sometimes life happens but small things are exactly that and don't take much effort.

Small stones create big ripples, ripples that roll far and wide.  The family morals and consistencies you give to your children today will be their morals and guides of the future.  Take care you show them the ones you actually want them to carry through life.

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Teenager chores win:win

Will you do the floors for me honey before x-factor, if you do it'll cover the £3 you  owe me from earlier.

I'd rather not, I'll pay you out of my pocket money

That seems like a reasonable discussion except I'd got the clean the floors as well as the other jobs I'd got planned.

'honey would you mind calling grandma to see if I can take that box up to her, I'd do it myself but I'm doing the floor'
'honey would you open the side gate and bring the plants through for me, I would do it but it might be dark when I've finished the floors'
'would you fetch the next load of washing down for me, I'd get it but I'm still mopping'

OH started to laugh, he could see exactly what was going on. She got rightly frustrated by him laughing.

I refused to tell her why until later. She fetched me her £3 and then told her she'd still done the chores but had paid me £3 for the privilege.

'no worries, I'm happy with that, I just didn't want to do the floor, would you like me to come to a grandmas with you'

Win:Win

I wonder how much longer all this happy family can last, surely the teenage hormones must kick in soon. Oh hang on, the penny has just dropped. I'll be taking odds on what she is after

1) restart riding lessons 12:1
2) new DS.                     7:1
3) highlights.                   3:1
4) iPad for Xmas.             Evens

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183 children crushed to death and smothering baby girls

I heard for the first time recently on a documentary about the Victoria Hall disaster.  In 1883 at a theatre in Sunderland 183 children were killed in a crush in a stairwell.  The doors at the bottom of the stairwell opened inwards, they were partially bolted and as children rushed down the stairs to get a 'prize', more and more children were crushed to death. Despite what we often think about the past, life was not cheap then either and there was a public outcry, donations for the families and a change in the law for public building to have a minimum number of outward opening exits.  This is a sorry story that has touched me greatly and should be remembered each time we cry 'it's health and safety gone mad'.

It doesn't matter though whether the loss of a child is 183 or 2, thinking about Addy and how the loss of her 2  very young Aunts to whooping cough and double pneumonia in 1925 is still having an impact on her life today.

Knowing that any loss of a child is a tragic thing, that must make us even more heart broken for these women who will suffer that heart ache, sometimes voluntarily, because their child is a girl.  I read a few 'how could they?' scathing comments and wondered indeed, how great the pressure must be on them, how dreadful their circumstances and how heavy the cross is that they bare their whole lives as a result of it.  I'm so lucky I didn't even have to consider whether the sex of my child mattered beyond pink or blue.

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Bill Frog to the Rescue by CAM

The week's Gallery is Books

There was a tradition when I was growing up that we read Bill Frog to the Rescue every Christmas Eve.  After I left home it was something I continued to do, but had to go to mum's to do it as the book was hers.   When COG was knee high to a grasshopper, mum photocopied the book and gave the copy to me a Christmas present from COG.

So then COG and I read it together.  She too learnt that Milly Mole's medicine was the only thing that could make Father Christmas better and save Christmas for all the boys and girls.  She also knows that Father Christmas lives on the other side of the Aurora Borealis and understands why I say 'Wizzle my Friskers' a lot!

But reading a photo copy was not the same and for many years I contracted second hand book services to find me a copy and one finally did.

It's held together by tape, it's got school library stamps in it, but I don't care, it is such a wonderful feeling to get it out each Christmas Eve and know that Bill Frog will know that Snowmen's brooms are magic on Christmas Eve but not at any other time.

I still count the number of blankets on the bed.

And insist on finding in the picture every toy mentioned in the text.

And COG enjoys doing it with me.

This is the happy story of my childhood, my happy memory, my good feeling.

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Positive Moral messages for children

I was sent a new children's book to review which I did, but this one is worth sharing with you too as it's an action book that has managed to tuck in some clear moral messages without being boring or sanctimonious about it. 

The author, Jaylen Grace, is an experienced Life Coach and the messages in this book are well planned and but hidden cleverly.

Omzak The Space cat Warrior is humorous and full of action but subversively covers moral and developmental issues for children such as consequences, dealing with change and transition, seeing things from other peoples perspective, empathy. I could see it showing children how it is possible to move into a very different environment, be true to yourself and yet still fit in and make friends. Perfect for moving schools, changing year groups, in fact anything that is about handling change.

This is another book I recommend for a stocking filler that you can feel good about buying.  Have a look at my full review if you want more detail.

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The Picasso Euphemism

"Do you like art?" He said
"Yes I do"  thinking I enjoy a walk around a gallery, and even my blogger profile says 'likes art'
"Do you like photography?"
"Yes, definitely" thinking I take photos all the time
"I've got some books you would love to borrow"
"Fantastic" thinking, ooooh God, this is going to end in disaster
"You can look at my Picassos too"
Thinking: oh ecky thump

A few days later at Tennis drop off:

"Come on then, come and get those books"
"What now? At your house?!"
"Well how else can you look at my Picassos?"
I was wondering whether to text friend so the police will at least have a lead should I fail to return!

I have a problem with retaining information, remembering names and facts. It doesn't worry me too much. I find the goldfish pleasure of relearning over and over quite pleasant.

"And this one is by......" he says again 

I'm hearing white noise

"You have heard of .....haven't you?"
"Probably!"
"I thought you said you liked art"
"I do"

But he looked disappointed. I hadn't mislead him. I hadn't lied. He had heard a yes and padded it out himself but I felt really mean, I had disappointed him. In fact I felt totally inadequate, uneducated and pretty useless.

Still he appears not to have given up. I borrowed the books for a respectful amount of time. Keeping them well wrapped for safety and I am invited to attend a number of gallery openings with him.

He has obviously decided to try to educate me. Ahhh bless. I give him until Christmas to realise its a dead loss!

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The Parenting Course

I have recently done a 5 week parenting course at a local Church.   It is a lovely old Church with very modern halls, kitchens, facilities and very active youth workers. 

Each week comprised of getting in and sitting down to a lovely cooked meal, and generally nattering over the meal about life, teenagers, not having killed your kids this week etc

Then there was a DVD to watch presented by Nicky and Sila Lee.  It was easy watching, informative, not condescending, not bible bashing - just common sense reminders.  Lots of different parents and teenagers are interviewed with plenty of sound bite pieces about different topics. 

This was followed by dessert actually a hearty pudding! and guided discussion about the topics the DVD covered.

We then had tea and coffee whilst watching the second part of the DVD, plenty of table discussion afterwards and tootle off home feeling rather warmed that everyone has 'issues' of some sort, at some time, that actually it's normal and a lot of tips for handling them.

I seriously can't recommend this enough, it you get the chance and you have 11-18 year olds do it.  For me it was £3.50 a week of great company, a lovely welcoming atmosphere, lovely food and a lot to be learnt.

It is part of the Alpha series, but Religious or not I would still say do it.   didn't even realise it was Alpha until the very end of the 2nd week, which shows how little it directly refers to the Church.

There is a course for 0 to 10 year olds in the same series and a marriage course.  I would like to do the marriage course, I'm not sure I would get the weekly commitment out of OH so if any of you fancy a weekly night ou.....oh, oh I see....damn!

I can't precis 12 hours of learning into one blog post for you, but I'm sure that snippets will appear through my posts, although I am pleased to say that a lot of the attitude I take now sits very well with their ethos.

http://www.relationshipcentral.org/parenting-teenagers-course

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Walsingham, relighting the flame

There are a lot of candles in religion.  There was no shortage of them in Walsingham whilst we were there last weekend.

I've found it difficult to go to church over the past year for a number of different reasons.

It was good to be in Walsingham and rekindle some of what I have been lacking.

Pilgrimage is a wonderfully self renewing experience.

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Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."

This Week's Gallery is 'Old'.

I was in Norfolk this weekend. It was lovely and peaceful but also very slow.  Where we go, the Shrine of Our Lady of Walsingham, the other visitors are predominately retired. 

Both HWMBO and I had spent time in London last week working and going from that pace to Noooooooorrrrrrrfolk pace a Norfolk retired pace at that is initially quite frustrating.  It took me a while to slow myself down to the point where I could walk behind the old(er) people and enjoy it.

The Little Boy and the Old Man  Shel Silverstein

Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."
Said the old man, "I do that too."
The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."
I do that too," laughed the little old man.
Said the little boy, "I often cry."
The old man nodded, "So do I."
But worst of all," said the boy, "it seems
Grown-ups don't pay attention to me."
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
I know what you mean," said the little old man.” 

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Sea view

It's been 2 years since I saw the sea.

 We had just 1 hour, but it was enough.

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Station Parking, 1970s style.

I'm so busy at the moment, I still haven't caught my tail.

OH is no calmer, but he isn't making life easy for himself.  At the start of the week he called me quite early evening to say he was close to home, Rugby infact so he could have made it in time to eat with me, except his car was in Tamworth.  Another train to be caught and then a drive back home.  I really didn't bother to ask why he was at the wrong station, c'est la vie and all that...except he called later in the week to say he was on a train to Leicester which also was precisely where his car wasn't and once he had caught another train to where his car was he would then drive home.  In fairness he has probably travelled around 1500 miles on the train this week but it does help to remember what part of the country you left your car in dear.

I have been careful about my baby steps back into exercise.  I went out for a run on one of my old dark night routes.  I was checking the distance and time fairly regularly but was having those 'is that all I have done' moments.  I was sure it was more than a 3k run but hey-ho I decided I was ok to keep up a good pace as I wasn't going too far.  It was only after I got home I realised my phone was set to miles!  Still at least it shows I haven't lost my fitness levels too much and my couch to 5k took...well...one evening....whoops!

I took COG clothes shopping one evening after work as we have won a family photo shoot. I entered a competition at a craft fayre.  This 'free' shoot has of course cost us all in new outfits!  Oddly at the clothes shops I appear to have stepped back 35 years in time.  The New Look clothes designer clearly couldn't be bothered to do any work all summer, with feet up in front of the sport. At the last minute they grabbed the 1975 folder from the back of the cabinet and blew the dust off it.  Of course I know I can't actually stand in the shop and admit to having seen all this first time around, it's a bit of an age give away....although probably not quite as much as me walking around the shoes singing "That's neat, that's neat, I really love your tiger feet" and insisting that COG 'do the bump' Before y'all run off to Google, it was Kenny.

We managed to get all (but one) of the Rangers to turn up at Guides and run the Wide Games night.  Egg towers, flour, oil, custard, tomatoes, fish paste, paddling pool, ping pong balls, nerf guns, ice-cream...yep, they all had a ball!  I like mixed sectional events.  It provides an opportunity to give younger girls great role models, the Rangers did a fantastic job of it.  We've got some great girls right now, unfortunately we aren't getting the new younger ones through the door, they don't seem to want to leave Guides. Hopefully this will help convince the oldest Guides that should have long moved on, to finally make that step.

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You can't say what you like down the on-line pub.

It worries me, really worries me, that recently there have been 2 prosecutions recently about comments people have posted on Facebook:

Azhar Ahmed who said "all soldiers should die and go to hell" has received a community order.

Matthew Woods who made a number of derogatory posts about April Jones and Madeline McCann has been jailed for 12 weeks.

I don't condone their words but it worries me that when Paul Chambers was arrested for making a joke on Twitter about blowing up an airport the public were up in arms.  "Of course we can say something like that, it's like pub talk, it was a joke" etc etc

Paul Chambers' joke wasn't that funny to be honest, and no doubt Matthew Woods' joke, which he copied and pasted from another online site, was not at all funny.  What I do find odd is that I haven't seen headlines about that site being closed down.

If you spend time down the pub for long enough at some point you will be told a joke you find rather offensive.  I think people don't really think through the deep meaning of their words, it's just a quick sick quip.  Again, I'm not condoning it, it's just part of life.  I'll guarantee some Romans stood on street corners saying "what do you get if you cross a Christian with a Lion?" and they all chuckled together whilst death, pain and misery happened all around.  Not at all funny.

And if you stand in a bar for long enough you'll hear someone express an opinion you find wholly shocking. Maybe someone who believes mentally disabled people should be forcibly sterilised, or that the riots were "alright, 'cos it's just reclaiming taxes".

If you stand a while longer you might bump into a pacifist that declared that "all soldiers will go to hell". So how do we deal with this sort of thing, I guess it depends on the demographics. In a well heeled wine bar, perhaps a nervous twitch and a faux phone call to answer.  Perhaps at another bar there may be an argument or a great punch up but how often do people declare the comment so completely offensive as to call the police instead of wrapping a bar stool around their head?

Whilst we have freedom of speech here, there are a lot of exceptions and no doubt our 2 most recent examples broke those, but I would have preferred the people that were offended in those cases to use the block option. It's a solid response to deter behaviour we don't wish to promote. I don't want my taxes wasting on prosecuting some jackass who couldn't stop typing after too many pints or wanted to create a stir for Facebook cred.

Once full censorship of social media is enforced by the authorities it will simply lose it's original purpose. I wrote at the time of Paul Chambers' appeal that Social Media has become a dangerous place to play.  I can imagine a coffee bar in Russia at the height of oppression where a single whispered comment against the state was reported and the person was whisked off to Siberia. I don't want to live in a country where people have to fear prison because of the true meaning of their misplaced, idiotic after 10 pints offensive spoutings.  A delete, a public apology and an account suspension would shut most of the 'I've forgotten this isn't a real pub' type comments up far more efficiently.

I've no doubt you won't be making sick jokes about dreadfully sad happenings but it is all too easy for many things to be taken out of context and it's a sober reminder that, as I said before:

"It is probably time to take stock and realise that the world we thought we lived in has changed and you do have to be careful of what you are saying not just who you say it to."

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The Last of The Summer Photos

This week's Gallery theme is yellow.

The bright yellow summer sun has definitely gone, only my memories remain as I pull out the thick leggings and the Uggs.  Which of course are one of the most effective methods of birth control ever, only coming second to crocs.

So here are my final memories of summer.

We did get some hot days.

For wonderful walks.

Despite the rain.

Which was almost endless, but the reservoirs needed it.

Summer. gone in a flash of floods mainly.

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Stuck Boats and Gossamer Thread

I had a lovely walk, there is a bend in the canal where you can see right down the tunnel.  I've never been on the bend before when a boat has been coming through it.  I waited and waited for it to come out but it's a long tunnel. I gave up waiting.

I also waited and waited for a group of day trippers to turn this boat around in a very narrow part of the canal.  It was worth watching, it was a hilarious attempt and one fell in!

The undisturbed fields farther away from civilisation had spider threads strewn across them. 

It was like walking across a delicate silver carpet.

In places, even the bright sun couldn't hide the autumnal feeling.

I am always careful to use the styles.  Although this time I wondered if it was more polite to walk around it to save them on later maintenance.

The way ahead was quite clear.

But a backward glance was beautiful.

See the silver field in the centre, that's more spiders webs.










Too soon again, I was nearly home.

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