I'll vote for that

I confess, I've not been watching the election campaign too closely but the New Millennium Bean Party have caught my eye with:

Convicted drink drivers to have their cars painted bright orange for five years when they finish their ban and return to the wheel.

The Monster Raving Looney party worry me greatly as I find year after year they make more sense to me:

Make it illegal for superheroes to use their powers for evil I can't believe this isn't law already
All socks to be sold in packets of 3 as a precaution against losing one seems very sensible
Add the loch ness monster to the endangered species list well she must be getting old now
Bring out a 99p coin to save on change. brilliant

And their stance on Immigration:

Any person who can prove that they or their descendants emigrated to the UK before 55 A.D. can stay. All others will be repatriated to their original country (well we have to draw the line somewhere) - absolutely, if you're not french , norman , celtic , saxon , sorry what are we...

But finally how much sense does Louis Barfe of NOTA (None Of The Above) make:

"The problem with politicians is not what they promise, it's what they deliver. So by promising to deliver nothing, I'm the best man for the job I don't want" - how can you follow that?!


Please remember that your vote is a privilege that many ladies fought hard for, whether you choose to use it seriously or in protest please DO use it. Emily Davison would understand.

Read more...

You just Know it was a Woman!

I know, I know ....I shouldn't be saying it but, come on, you know it was a woman (turned out it was actually an elderly man!) :

Mystery of the Dangling US Vehicle

How did she manage it?!!!!

And seeing that in the news today reminded me of this:

And this never fails to have me in stitches of laughter...

Read more...

Pour-TR-ait

This week's Gallery is Portrait:

Get it?!!

Top and bottom are 2 of my favourites.

Read more...

Wet Walk

This evening started as a glorious walk among flowers and a warm sunset

Then to my right the most bizarre weather front moved in fast. It was a vertical wall of cloud. It was the most obvious weather 'front' I have ever seen!

It was heavy and dark and sucked all the goodness out of the air. It moved silently and menacingly.

Unfortunately it was moving faster than me and within minutes I was a wet rag and running for cover!

Read more...

St George's Day

St George's Day is celebrated Big Time in our village.

It starts with a short service at the church.

Then St George, on his horse, leads a big parade through the village.




The bunting is up and hundreds of people are involved both watching, waving and walking

At this moment the girls were disheartened because the boys were out-chanting the girls "Every where we gooooo, people always ask us......."

Plenty are in Fancy Dress. Big Ben was very good this year! Last year someone went as a Sunday Roast Dinner!

Even the little dog had a St George on his back!

And after the parade there is a big fete with all the Splat-the-Rat, Wellie Wanging, count the sweets, coconut shy, pull the lolly games.

There was also Maypole dancing, and pieces from the local groups like Karate demonstrations, a dance troup and the re-enactment of George and the Dragon from our local theatre group.

We had a great nationalistic day, just like the Irish but with lots less Guinness and green hues!!!!

What a lovely day and at the end of it I came home to a BNP leaflet drop. It made my stomach lurch, how dare they invade our fun day and taint it with their nasty underhand racism. The closest we could have got to anything 'not quite cricket' was killing the dragon yet again.

Read more...

Honk if you're Horny

I had to leave my car at a Motorway services for a while today (It was a half way house for a meeting). I knew I would have to pay, but I wasn't expecting to have to pay by phone.

Paying by phone was the only option. What do you do if you don't have a mobile? Some people I know don't - it's almost a point of principle for them!

There is no 'one off' option, you have to set up an account, so they can sell off your credit card details to a fraudster at a much later date.

This turned out to be one of the most frustrating things I have ever encountered.

It took me 7, yes 7, attempts to get it to recognise my credit card number with the phone constantly going from ear to hand whilst stood in the middle of a loud and busy car park. How safe didn't I feel holding iphone and credit card for an extended period?! But the registration number of my car was more difficult:

"press the number on the key pad that displays the letter of the first character of your registration"

pause for thought, phone from ear to hand, press 6, quick back to ear

"for M press 1, for N press 2, for ......"

easy peasy I think and off we go ....easy peasy until you get to the numbers

"for J press 1, for K press 2, for L press 3, for 5 press 4"

my head heard the irritating phone voice but my fingers find it hard to press 4 for 5....off we go again restarting the whole process...I got to the end and confirmed it now had my credit card and registration

"If you wish to park your car press 1"

DURRRR

"You have been charged £8.00"

good that's the cost

"plus a surcharge of £0.30, £8.30 will be charged to your card"

WHAT - where's the 30p come from - it say £8.00 on the sign

That £8.30 bought me 24 hours and I'm getting my money's worth, so I am typing this from the car in Moto at Junction 23a

Read more...

Eating Cake Michael?

So Ryanair has said it will defy the regulations and warned customers it will only reimburse customers their airfare and no additional expenses. It is also to seek compensation from the Government for the closure of airspace........hang on one cotton pick'ng.....

I would like to share AuntieGwens recent flight cost breakdown (this may not be Ryanair but it is indicative).

In addition to the flight charge there is passenger service charge, fuel surcharge, ChargeCode (wtf?!), luggage charge, guaranteed seating surcharge, meal surcharge and don't forget it was Ryanair that wants to introduce the 'pay to pee' charge - presumably they don't plan to refund a penny of these costs but will aim to recover all from the Government (our taxes) so the airline customers get the joyful privilege of paying twice.


I can almost swallow a seating and meal charge but when you are expected to pay extra for the fuel and service - I am wondering what the alternative is?


Could we opt out and have the smarmy stewardess spit at us instead (some people would pay for that)? Can I offer to flap my arms? and why is my fuel surcharge the same as fat boy's when he will cost more than me to transport?

I have avoided 'cheap' airlines for a number of reasons, this only being one. Luckily FamilyMatter's experience with a better class of supplier wasn't the same.

Time for boating holiday this year, I think!

Read more...

The Wrath of Extramarital Sex

This weeks Gallery is the 7 deadly sins.

I give you a tenuous link to the Wrath of God...or so an Iranian Cleric claims .... Extra Marital Sex Causes more Earthquakes.

Well I know we all like to big it up a bit but I have to say I could never claim to have been so good at it as to have caused a full on natural disaster.

Maybe a couple in Market Rasen were having one heck of a night getting it on. A number of people claim to have felt the bed moving which must be a good start.

But to turn it on it's head, maybe one comparison to draw would be that gulf between a married couple after a disagreement where the quilt is pulled so tight you could bounce a coin off it and the wind whips down the divide !!!!

But back to a little on the side, maybe a sex toy would be more acceptable than a secondary person, maybe that would provoke only a mild tremor

Read more...

Snakes in canal and Volcanos in fields

Today's walk started off quite normal, nothing to report except glorious weather.

I saw 5 different types of butterfly.

A zillion or so lambs.

Numerous cows.

3 Rabbits the dogs failed to spot (and lots they did spot)

And a SNAKE! I couldn't quite believe my eyes. But it's true, the European grass snake does swim in our canals.

Oh yes, I also saw something that resembles the Volcanic cloud!!!

Read more...

Step into Spring

I popped out tonight for what was going to be a quick walk with the dogs before it got dark.







As I headed back towards the village the light was getting a warm glow and long shadows. I decided to show you a photo of me!




But then the sunset started and I walked straight out past the village in the opposite direction and ended up doing 5 full miles! It was just too nice to go home.

Read more...

Joy - My Life

This weeks Gallery is Joy.

Joy is my Life.

I was born the fortunate side of the poverty line and in the half of the world where food is plentiful and clean water available.

I would have liked to have more children but I have been blessed with the most wonderful daughter who is the apple of my eye and the core of my life.

HeWhoMustBeObeyed may only iron once every 7 years but I love him and all his perfections (and imperfections) dearly.

I live in a beautiful place and have had the good fortune to travel a lot too.

I also enjoy (mostly!) my job.

In fact when I think about my life it tends to leave me feeling a lot like this

Read more...

...and then it was admitted

I'm not too bad with computers...I can work the big ones!!! I (for those that care) am a Unix Systems programmer and Oracle DBA, so on the whole I know where my towel is when it comes to IT ........





BUT....I'm a real scaredy cat when it comes to my home PC. I think I'm frightened of breaking it entirely so I tend to leave it limping along with iffy drivers and irritating (but not disabling) bugs.





My power supply has been driving me nuts recently, the pc is up and down like a whore's knickers*. Tonight after 15 reboots in less than 15 minutes I decided to phone a friend.....





and they've admitted my baby for an overhaul. Oh the shame of it!





On the upside, whilst pondering this post, I stumbled across this picture tonight....






how cool is that?!!!























*can I say that here? whoops I already did

Read more...

3 Good Feelings for the Price of One

Build me up Buttercup by the Foundations always makes me happy. I have no idea why, I think that fact that it has no memories whatsoever attached to it means there is no poignancy, nada..just good and uplifting.



But this one plays over and over again in my car, my best driving track: Sweet Home Alabama



BUT this one can only be played VERY VERY LOUD (and regularly is!)



If you fancy it uncensored

Read more...

Ugly

This week's Gallery is Ugly. A hard one as I see the interesting and bizarre in most things.

So I present 'Feet'

These are my husbands feet (coerced after the '5 I would do list' comment!)

But in fairness it's not just his feet, any feet...ugly ugly ugly...euwwwww

Read more...

Plastic Joy

Ooook, I have been tagged by Itsmygoodlife for Plastic Joy where I get to say which 5 people from Film or TV I would 'do'. I understand this is in the 'if I had never met you/in my dreams only dear' category.

I have a few issues with this, firstly because haven't got to a wandering eye stage of my marriage, I actually still think my hubby is the man for me and I really fancy him. If I look at a movie man I often find myself thinking 'hmmmm you may have a wash board stomach but I think your ego sucks'. Maybe I'm just too old for wander lust or I'm too picky but I always find a flaw!

My second issue with this is I rarely watch films. When I do they are usually kids films, the double entendres and sub plots have me in tucks!! I never watch TV soaps or 'celeb stuff'. I don't mind a good costume drama or sit-com occassionally. No, it's not a sad life but something has to give in this manic world and I decided my life was no less valuable without Eastenders or I'm a desperate Celeb please watch me skate/eat spiders/be a wan....

Sooo...I have had to expand the criteria to include books and music where I can pull my last few from.

I'm sure I am supposed to list sultry hunks but tough, it's my fantasy. Here we go ...



Shrek

What a guy... a hero, sensitive, caring father, faithful lover...yep swoon








Max De Winter (Rebecca)

Yes, he's a murderer but there is so much going on, what a complex character and father figure





Zach Braff for his role in the Last Kiss. As Michael, despite completely messing up, he pulls out all the stops to win his wife back...the days on the porch.....ahhhh bless









Dave Grohl, a man with true musical talent and a raw energy. I've blogged about him before. Very pleasant to watch (until he spits...see, there's the flaw!)









Mr Darcy (no, not Colin Firth..Mr Darcy). A faithful lover, complex, deep and determined, utterly imperfect and yet so perfect....well done Jane!








PS I really struggled to find this 5, so I asked hubby if he could come up with a 'list of 5' : "yeah, probably" was his too quick remark...huff!!!!!!!

I tend not to retag these things because I find I am generally at the end of the blog chain but if you pick up on the theme and post yourself, please leave me a comment to let me know because I would be really interested to read your lists.

Read more...

Secret Nuclear Bunker

Kelvedon Hatch, what an interesting day out.

It is the (old) main Government Nuclear Bunker, only decommissioned in 1994. And you can walk all round it, it is set up to show how it was and is equipped still. Communications, beds, offices, plant room. It was amazing to see how out of date the technology all looks (and how much I remember using myself).



It managed to keep H interested for 2 hours without her moaning (major miracle).


There are no interactive doodaas, no special effects, this is not Alton Towers. In fact we found out about it from Bollocks to Alton Towers.


I was frightened to heck about the nuclear threat in my teen years, I think watching Threads did it to me. Going round this bunker only under pinned why we were all so scared.



But the gravity of it washed over H, her major lesson of the day being ...if she does this, she can see her nose !!!!!

I thoroughly recommend a visit (but skip the cafe at the bunker and go to the farm shop down the road for a cuppa!)

Read more...

Mr Cadbury and The Down Fall of Lent

You may recall I mentioned I was coming here, and I was wondering whether I would make it through without chocolate.

Well I decided not to be a party pooper! There are times to hold steadfast and times not too. Anyhoo, how much fun would it be for the rest of my group going round a chocolate factory if I was constantly saying "oh, not for me thanks!"

I wasn't soooo bad, I popped the freebie Buttons, Curly Wurly, Dairy Milk, etc into my bag. I bought Caramel bunnies and Old Jamaica for others and a pen for myself! But when I got to the Essence - the warm melted chocolate oozing out of the silver pipes all over the marshmallows, well my resolve melted with the chocolate - see the cup H is holding? That's mine!!!! (she'd already finished hers!).

Still, only 2 more days to that lovely cool glass of wine!

Read more...

April Fool

I love this so much, I had to share it



Have a fun day!

Read more...