The story of the knife edge

I would like to tell you a sorry tale of a hungry, lazy person and a knife or two.

I really fancied a sausage and HWMBO was out of the country so I didn't want to defrost a whole pack.  I decided to break the sausages apart by jamming a knife between them and wiggling.  The sausages dutifully split.  The knife end disappeared.  I looked a bit but couldn't see it. My general thought was 'whateveeeeer' but decided to defrost the sausage in the microwave as metal would spark and then I'd know it was ok.

Defrosted, no sparks, cooked in oven and delicious. End of tale we would hope. 

But as the evening progressed so did a stomach pain, I took anacid and pushed the blindingly obvious thought out of my mind and anyway I'd have cut my mouth chewing wouldn't I?   I did eventually fall asleep but woke about 4am in agony.

I read the internet....OMFG...swallowing tips of knives isn't that uncommon and is really dangerous as it passes through your bowel, pierces it and you get an internal infection.  I pondered death for a while and got up.

I decided before taking myself to A&E that I would try to do the whole break knife and microwave thing again just to check that I was worrying for no reason.

I jammed a similar knife into the frozen sausages and it dutifully snapped again much the same way.  I looked at the sausage saw the metal bit in it, put it in the microwave and no sparks.....NO SPARKS.

I mentally picked my coffin and took the semi defrosted sausage out of the microwave and pulled the metal tip out of it and stared woefully at it....

Hang on, what's that?  The tip of the first broken knife.   Yes!  Right at the very beginning I'd tried to split off 2 sausages and failed so just split off the end one but the knife must have broken on the first stabbing.  It had been left embedded in the sausage on the end of the frozen pack and put back in the freezer.


So not inside me just sat waiting to kill the next sausage eater!  I threw away the block of sausages in celebration and glugged on a bottle of gaviscon, safe in the knowledge I had absolutely no idea why my stomach hurt so much but I really couldn't care less right now.

So the moral of the story is don't break up frozen blocks of meat with knives and even if you are that stupid, don't eat it before you have all the pieces of your shattered knife accounted for!