I am not me

>>  Saturday, January 07, 2012

I've been managing severe pain now for 6 months.  Sometimes I can walk, sometimes I can't.  Most mornings I struggle to dress and at the moment I can't drive.  I'm trying to have a normal existence and do the things I have always done but now it all feels like I am watching someone else doing those things.

I am watching me do the living whilst I am totally self absorbed by pain.

The other me that is doing the doing isn't really doing so well. The New Year party was flatter than normal because the other me didn't put enough effort in to the entertainment.

The decorating is getting left, there are still holes in the repiped radiator walls from last November, because the other me isn't as good at doing that sort of stuff as the pain ridden me.

Am I making any sense?

There is no longer a day goes by when I don't consider whether death is an easier option than life***.  The other me ignores those thoughts and keeps on working, mothering, making Guiding plans.

I have become a shadow of myself

I am very sorry I have worried so many people and I really appreciate your concern and support.  I needed an outlet to let go of some of this desperation I am feeling right now.  I am quite stable, truly.  Just fed up.  It will all be fine.  Thank you for taking the time to listen to me.


Related Posts with Thumbnails

  © Blogger template Simple n' Sweet by Ourblogtemplates.com 2009

Back to TOP