Charnwood - the aftermath

>>  Saturday, October 05, 2019

I have mentioned Charnwood 2019 the mudbath edition and I would have thought once I got home it would have dried up and that would be that.

But it took 3 weeks for the nightmares to stop.  I was constantly dreaming about the bed floating in seas of mud, losing kit, trying to find was never ending, repetitive dreams that I could not shake.  It took a month to feel human again and like I was starting to catch up on my sleep.

I was emotionally and physically drained and touching depressive.

I'd assumed that others were probably feeling this way until I mentioned it to a couple of guiders (when we met up for Leicester Pride) that I'd seen for the first time since Charnwood and they looked at me surprised.

I'm also surprised at how badly it has affected me, I've not even been able to bring myself to close the accounts for it and I normally do that the day after I come home from any event.

I really need to get the stray ends of Charnwood 2019 tied up and put the whole damned experience to bed.

There are 'after parties' coming up, team 'reunions' and I'm bad enough at social situations at the best of times so even the invites to these is turning me to a plate of jelly.

I need to get myself sorted and I've no idea how.   I'm wondering if it is time for a bit of counselling - post Charnwood, post (and ongoing) sepsis, post (and ongoing) anorexia - can counselling just be a 'woe is me' fest to get the whole damn lot off my chest and into a locked box of experiences I'd not want to repeat?  It all feels a bit lame.

On the upside I have started running a bit again and I can feel some of my fitness coming back.  That usually helps.

Keep on keeping on.


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