30 years - part 2

So I told you I’d completed 30 years of Guiding.

I realised I’d done it because I spotted on my Guiding records that an award was to be presented to me at a particular Guiding event. I really didn’t want to stand in front of everyone at such a big event,  I’d have felt embarrassed so I contacted them and said I didn’t want a presentation could they just send it to me. Seemed straight forward enough.

Apparently not.

A commissioner got in touch to say the award was special and ‘needed’ to be presented. I,  again, said no thank you very much, just send it to me but if it’s a real issue give it to the local guide leader, she’s done over 40 years of dedicated service and is a member of our church, and she can give it to me at church.

I was surprised after a while that this hadn’t happened, no one had passed the award onto her.

Then I get an email from another commissioner to say County had said the award had to be presented so she would do it at the Brownie craft day I was helping out at soon. Now that means having it presented in front of a 100 or so girls that don’t know me or care and I didn’t want a presentation to begin with so whose benefit was this for?

I emailed back saying yet again that I didn’t want a presentation and I would not be going to the craft day any longer because of the pressure.

But they were insisting it is such a special award that it deserved being celebrated.

FOR WHOSE BENEFIT?!

I was at the point of telling them to shove their badge where the sun doesn’t shine, I don’t need it to tell me what a difference I have made to so many girl’s lives but I had this fear that wherever I went a commissioner could jump out and ‘present’ and with my stubborn heels firmly dug in that means I’d not be able to go anywhere Guiding again!

I got a text message from a local commissioner saying she’d got my award and could she pop round with it. ‘Yes’ I said....’perfect’ I thought, ‘I’m at work!’ So when I got home it was there but commissioner couldn’t quite let it go, I got another text message

  

‘safe to say it is a really special event and shows a great commitment to guiding - So thank you’

I know she means it nicely but why can’t it just be left where I wanted it left: quietly and without fuss.

I don’t really understand why it can’t be accepted that some people just don’t want to be celebrated. I'm not sure where it comes from but I dread my birthday. I hate opening Christmas presents. I just don’t want the pressure they create. This year on my birthday I got up early and walked alone dawn ‘TIL dusk. Perfect for me.  I love my Christmas morning run alone. And I’d have liked it if I’d just got an award in the post, just as I asked. Now I’m left feeling I created a problem for everyone because I didn't want to go with the flow and that drama is my middle name.

It sat at home unopened for 3 days waiting for me to be in the right mood to 'receive' it.

But as nice as it is to see the Deputy Chief Guides's signature on it (and as a local lass she knows who I am so that makes it extra nice)...

....what I actually care about is this

And I didn't go to the craft day, so the sad fact is I did let some girls down but sometimes you have to do what's right for you and on another day you will find me back in the ring giving my best.