Really, this is all I want

>>  Sunday, July 27, 2014

At work some of the men (I only work with men) were talking about buying a push present. This appears to be a present they give their wives when they have given birth. I assume after, not during, but perhaps it depends on the appropriateness of the gift.

The same men often talk about the birthday gifts they are planning or buying. In essence they seem to spoil their wives with love and attention at 'appropriate' times. Although I do remember my previous boss standing up fast from his seat one day and declaring 'SHIT! It's my wedding anniversary' and leaving the office.

You can see where these thoughts are headed can't you. HWMBO has never put much thought into gifting or spoiling. Not in the loving, treating, romantic sort of way.  He doesn't do romance at all.  He says it isn't him.  I think he is just romantically lazy. 

On my 40th birthday, we were on holiday, he gave me perfume bought on the boat on the way to holiday and a plastic ornamental dolphin bought from the holiday tat shop.  Whilst I appreciate he didn't have to give anything, I felt his forethought and planning were a little lacking.  I am now the very wrong side of 40 and I still haven't quite got over it.  I suspect I will continue to feel much the same way about the M&S voucher he gave me this year for a while to come. 

It leaves me feeling unloved.  I don't want expensive.  I want 'thought about it', 'thought about you and what you like'.  I wonder why after 15 years of being together I still even let it bother me.  I have a general philosophy about marriage: either you are in or out; if you don't like it, accept it or leave.  So I wonder why, when this is so important to me, I don't just accept it.

Anyway, this wasn't supposed to sound like a counselling session.  I got an amazing rush of happiness tonight.  I was walking across the fields feeling a little dejected, wondering why I never got a push present from my first husband, or a 'I love you' birthday gift from either of them.  Yes, seriously...I know how spoilt brat that sounds!  Anyhoo, I looked across the view, at the golden sun, felt the warm breeze on my skin, watched the 2 buzzards, nesting on my regular route, call and fly around me, and had the most high brow thought.......

"ahhhh sod you all, I don't need anything, I have this and no one can ever give me anything that could compare to it."

Well ok it was more pouty than philosophical but actually it left me feeling really lifted, earnestly grateful for the glorious countryside close to where I live.

I felt so great about it all I texted HWMBO, who is working in Paris, to bring me a small gift a loving and gentle way obviously....wouldn't want to sound demanding or anything!

I know this is going to go one of two ways:

1)  He will forget but declare in a very Australian accent "I was busy dunn-eye" (I have no idea what dunn-eye means but he always says it when feeling indignant!)

2) He will grab a bar of chocolate (European milky bleurgh) at duty free

What I would actually be looking to receive is a little pretty keyring,  I'm rather enjoying collecting little pretty key rings at the moment from places I go to.  I think pigs will be commercial airline pilots before he even twigged that this would be something that could please me.

So let's just go back to the aaaaaaaand breathe moment.

Really, this is all I really.
Yes, this is my genuine face......shush there you!



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