Why must there always be tears before triumph?

"You have to get that application in, you must start it"
"Will you help me?"
"Yes, why don't you write about this... and this...and this.......no not that....is that your writing now, no that's not good....."

Insert lots of teeny/mum angst difficultness here that finished with:

"...are you going to finish that or not?"
"No I'm not applying any more, I don't want to do the thing now anyway"
"but it was so important to you, you said you really wanted to do it"
"You've spoilt it all now"

Ouch

And she was right.  I had.  And it was like looking at myself in the mirror, so many times I have turned to my husband and said "I don't want to do that now anyway, it's all spoilt".  And I really mean it, and she really meant it too.  I don't even know how to get myself away from that 'it's tainted now' feeling, let alone how to move a stubborn, defiant teenager back to shore.

I tried telling her she was a fool, she was cutting off her nose to spite her face, I knew the game she was playing...hey guess what? the heels dug in further..."you don't say" I hear you all cry!

There is only one way to go really isn't there...an hour or more later after the dust had settled:

"yes, you are right I have spoilt it and I am truly very sorry. Why don't you throw away everything done so far and sit down on your own and start from scratch?"

and bless her she did, and she had the kindness of heart to say "and with what we did before I have an idea of what I can say, but it will be all my own words"

and she wrote a letter so much better and so apt that if she doesn't get this place it won't be through lack of trying.

When am I going to learn to have these sorts of conversations from the beginning, why must there always be tears before triumph?

Which probably still puts me in the same camp as most parents really:


I wouldn't want to be leaving the dad's out(apologies to the single parent dads)