Weighty Emotions

>>  Tuesday, June 29, 2010

This weeks Gallery is Emotions:
I was once a healthy and confident big girl. I had no doubts that big girls were beautiful and I had all the right curves in all the right places, until this day.

On this day I got ready for a wedding, I knew I looked good, I walked out of the bedroom. My to-be hubby smiled at me and my mother-in-law looked at me and said "Pull your stomach in girl you look fat" and my world fell apart. With those words my house of cards fell.

I dieted and dieted, I enjoyed hunger, I stopped eating anything fat. I would pop something in my mouth for a taste and then take it out so as not to swallow...I got so thin, on my wedding day I was so boney my spine had to be air brushed out. I was always cold, I was tired and weak but my mother-in-law told me I looked good, so I had won.

But I hadn't ..... when I was big, If I was sad I would pick myself up with food, I celebrated with food, I loved food....when I was small I got control by denying myself food, when the scales said light I was happy, when they said lighter I was happier.

The scales ruled my emotions!

It has taken me a long time to bring myself back to a healthy weight and be comfortable with it and to learn that the scales shouldn't control my emotions. And what I can do now is when my mother-in-law says "are you going to eat THAT?" I say "YES" and I do, and damn well enjoy it!

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