Hollister Hell

>>  Saturday, July 21, 2012

So I couldn't have felt much older than I did as I stepped over the threshold of hell and found myself in a dark cave only occasionally lit up by young lads in red shorts shouting 'Hi Guys'.

The music was deafening, with 2 of my 5 senses sight and hearing knocked out almost immediately I was clearly looking out of sorts.  A young lad dressed in fluorescent green asked me if I needed anything.  I asked for a torch but he assumed I was joking.

I asked another lad where I could find a jumper worn by a nearby dummy, he briefly broke away from his 'Hi Guys' task to wave a hand in the direction of another room.

A young girl 'working' I use the term very loosely at the fitting rooms was the slowest moving shop worker I had ever seen or so I thought...

I stumbled my way down the stairs, blinded by the underfloor lighting and fluorescent clad waving idiots, to the checkouts.  Immediately one girl without catching my eye closed her till and started to mess around with paper work.  Once the remaining till girl took the clothes from COG, she spent an age folding them sooooooo carefully and then dumped them into a bag so as to undo every fold instantly.

After I had been charged a ridiculous amount for a couple of t-shirts they will have paid a 5 year old 20p to make, the girl passed over a card and started to talk to me.  I had to walk around to the side of the desk to get close enough to hear her.  Turns out it was a discount for my next visit: BWAHAHAHAHAA....I may have mentioned that if I found my way out of the hell hole I would never be returning.

As I left,  2 Bondi wannabes with bad fake Australian accents waved 'Bye Guys', I may have mentioned that if they stopped grinning and waving like bloody idiots and actually tried to do some work by opening a cash till then their queues might clear. They gave me the 'hip young thing looks at an aging uncool thing' look.

I confess during my visit I may have used the most versatile word in the English language under uses:

7:  Confusion          "What the fuck.......?"
11. Displeasure        "What the fuck is going on here?"
12. Lost                    "Where the fuck are we."
13. Disbelief              "UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!"
20. Panic                  "Let's get the fuck out of here."
and finally
14. Retaliation           "Up your fucking ass!"

Under the circumstances I feel this was mild, no court would ever convict me for what I would have liked to have done to them.

Here are similar stairs courtesy of YouTube please understand I do not agree with the title.  I suspect you have to be under 20 to see the draw.

I would show you some photos of hip young things doing their job but I simply refuse to give them any good airtime at all. I will simply point out that whilst Hollister lost my £s by being dark, loud, and badly staffed.  Jack Wills received triple the benefit by being light, airy, helpful and a great shop.  So to Hollister I simply say I can't wait for your business to go up shit creek and never mind the paddle, I hope you haven't even got a canoe.


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