Why a man should remember

>>  Sunday, March 27, 2011

I knew he'd forgotten our anniversary, I was sort of giving him the benefit of the doubt thinking that maybe there was a surprise up his sleeve but no, he had forgotten.

Although he says he hadn't forgotten, apparently forgetting implies that it isn't important.  He says it is important to him, which is why he hadn't 'forgotten'.  He had simply 'failed to remember'. 

That is why he is in management!  However, I also understand Adam's Equity Theory for job motivation.

I see remembering our anniversary as part of the reward and recognition.  As it says, people become demotivated and reduce input and or seek change/improvement whenever they feel their inputs are not being fairly rewarded.

I think the key words here are reduce input.  I am not intensely upset he forgot but to be quite honest, I don't feel particularly motivated to iron his shirts or supply any of the other perks that a wife might feel like supplying had her significant other chosen to remember.

I also think that he is probably going to have to try a little bit harder in playing catch up now to lift me out of this malaise.  It doesn't count that he brought flowers home this afternoon, I selfishly want to say "it's too late".  Despite him only 'failing to remember' rather than forgetting, I am hurt. I'm not upset, not grumpy, not even a little bit grouchy.  I'm quietly hurt inside. A quiet, nagging hurt.  A 'I'm not important to him' hurt and that sort of hurt needs healing quickly before it turns into resentment.

That is why it is important to remember.  I little investment in your marriage saves a large expense of repair.  It makes complete business sense.


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