A Single Mother's Dilemma

>>  Sunday, December 05, 2010

When I first met my current husband, my daughter was about 20mths old.  She came with me to meet him a couple of times and then gradually he started to be around a lot more often staying at my house, but I never left her alone with him.  It annoyed him intensely that if I was going out somewhere without him, I would arrange for her to stay at her Fathers or Grandmothers.

It caused many "You just don't trust me do you" arguments.  I skirted around the issue, but the truth was I just wasn't sure whether I did or not.  But I wasn't prepared to take any risks with my darling baby girl.  It was many years before I finally left her with him for an extended period.

I remember the day, a Saturday afternoon.  When I got home he was absolutely shattered.  It seems she had slowly invited nearly all the tots in the street to play with her and he had been running a mini painting creche in the front garden, with a picnic tea included.  She had played him hook line and sinker!!  He wasn't clamouring to look after her quite so much after that, but that isn't the point here.

This is. This mother trusted this man, she felt she knew him.  The BBC quote "She thought Newton, who has no previous convictions, was a quiet, caring and loving man, good with Charlie though "protective" over his mobile phone." 

Many men are protective of their mobile phones, but you wouldn't immediately suspect them of abusing your child.  I would probably be thinking "other woman" not he's "filming himself hitting my baby".

I could weep for this family. For so many of us single mums we have to balance our needs and possible futures against the risks to our children.  Maybe it's one of the reasons so many stay single, how do you let an 'unknown' in?

I am lucky, my husband tolerated my cautiousness and accepted trust has to be earned, I am very lucky indeed.

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