The pain inside

Notes is asking in the I ♥ Me series this week  "Where are you with your New Year resolutions?"

Given that I was doing this on New Years Eve, I was so happy and relaxed I didn't bother to make any New Year resolutions.  Nothing but the current moment seemed to matter.

But every year I swear something will be different by the following New Year, I always swear I will have a new baby, my baby, the one I have been waiting for for 12 years.

Well here we are 1st quarter nearly done and it's not going to happen is it.  The plumbers have been in (for some time!) and they moved a lot of baby car seats, prams, high chairs, bags of baby clothes...all the things I hang onto, waiting, waiting for that special day.  I think it's time to get rid of them.  I have to come to terms with the fact that it isn't going to happen and to be happy with my lot.  It is a very special and beautiful lot that I have but it would have been so good to have had one more chance to cuddle one of these.

So my New Years plan is likely to fail again.

There is a pain inside. 

Back to Desiderata..."Strive to be Happy".

And do you know even through the tears, I am.