>> Sunday, July 17, 2016
There is a stray cat that has chosen to dine at my house despite my many cruel attempts to 'put it off'. My oldest, fattest cat deals with this by stress vomiting her body weight in yellow yuk around the house and garden.
Whilst I mopped up another pile, I was deliberating over my current life.
HWMBO has just had a fairly major op with a couple of nights in hospital. He has an amazingly low pain threshold and requires care.
Cog is hanging on to her eating disorder like a limpet to a rock. Home is not a sanctuary of calmness when we career from one non eaten meal to the next. Cog's new psychologist is not helping me much nor is Cog's father. Both are of an opinion she will eat when ready. I am of the opinion that will be too late. Feed the body then the brain will be in a position to work on the mental changes needed (Maudsley) It's a corner I'm fighting alone with HWMBO incapacitated.
I have a huge camp coming up and despite begging the Rangers parents for help on numerous occasions not one has offered anything at all.
Because they are triggers to her eating disorder, Cog needs to change her subjects at school. It's an opportunity to move away from the bullying and find another college where she can start over. This has involved rounds of phone calls, visits and interviews.
So I mop sick, camp shop, nurse HWMBO, drive cog to medical appointments, tent stack, feed Cog, make numerous phone calls, drive cog around schools, UCAS 'stuff', run house, family shop. I go to work, fail to turn my brain on, don't sleep through worry and then live in a fog of tiredness.
I am almost broken. Which takes me back to the stress vomiting. I also have found I'm throwing up at the drop of a hat (or gear change) as a friend recently found out on the motorway whilst driving us to a race for life event. Both fat cat and I are on a diet of high anxiety.
Forgive me if I fail to write often.