>> Sunday, May 03, 2015
The problem with having an opinion is you are as likely to find as many people that disagree with you as agree, particularly when it's something as seemingly non-controversial as organising a guiding event.
The problem with assuming that we are all mostly nice with good intentions is it is an assumption that will come back to bite in the end.
It's a shame.
It has been reported that I made negative comments about Guiding, I find this one of the most bizarre and dumbfounding statements ever presented to me by a Commissioner who feels duty bound to investigate my behaviour.
It seems that having an opinion about something that someone doesn't like or agree with is a bad thing and it also appears that expressing that opinion openly, no matter how carefully worded is unacceptable.
I find myself this morning less inclined to continue to be part of a team of people who feel this is ok.
Sitting up all night worrying about who might feel it appropriate to report me instead of saying "hey, KV, I don't feel the same about that, have you considered this." Sitting sobbing for a hour under the sheer emotional exhaustion of giving constantly and feeling more than just unappreciated but actually like I've done it all wrong, what I do doesn't fit the requirements, to realise what I do is not an accepted part of the game plan.
It doesn't feel like fun.
It will pass. These things always pass. Emotions fade. Negative is stamped on by giggles, chocolate, messes, tents, fields, fun. But, for me, these things take a lot of getting over.
I have a number of 'events' I am due to be helping out at over the next few months. None of them are anything to do with my unit. When things feel good and happy, I have the energy to do these extras to help out, to help grow guiding, to allow other girls to have a great time. My energy bag was emptied in the course of a 15 minute conversation.
It feels tiring.
It's time to take a rest from the volunteering at larger events I think. I have a lot of things happening within my own unit and district that are keeping me busy enough already. 3 unit evening trips/events coming up to finish organising, 2 local camps, an international trip and then a night hike/sleepover. All to do before the end of summer. I think that's enough. I don't need the extra hassle of the other things I had signed up to. Time to make some choices about doing what is fun and losing the stress.